Indiana Bellews

Whos Have Souls

My Amaw

By: Maddy Bellew

This was no ordinary life…

Her name was Hazel Brown, but we all called her Amaw. My dad, her grandson, graced her with the name ‘Amaw’ because he couldn’t say “grandma”. So, he just simplified things and pretty soon, everyone else started to as well. For the first eight years of my life, I spent the majority of my time with my Amaw. I went to her house almost every weekend. We were very, very close to each other. I couldn’t imagine life without my Amaw. She was funny, loving, generous, and bighearted. But most of all, she was strong. Everyone loved her. Even though she was only 5’3, everyone looked up to her. She had no enemies and never met a stranger. Amaw loved red. She lived her life in color. She was always cracking jokes, laughing, and having a great time. She was Irish and Saint Patrick’s Day was her favorite holiday. She was always the ‘stand-out’ in the crowd. She thought Friday the 13^th was the luckiest day of the year aside from what everyone else thought. She never took a moment for granted.

To me, the greatest thing about Amaw was her sense of humor. She was always making people laugh. The funniest thing I remember was the day my brother and I found out Amaw had dentures. We were brushing our teeth in the bathroom, getting ready for bed and she said, “Payton, look!” and my little brother looked up at her and she popped her teeth right out! I’ll never forget the look on Payton’s face. It was a mixture of horror and amusement. Amaw used her dentures as a parenting tool. When her kids didn’t want to brush their teeth, she would pull them out and tell them, “Unless you want these, I suggest you brush your teeth!”

I was with my Amaw the day she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was seven years old. I didn’t really understand what was happening to her body, or that she could die from it. So I just thought it would pass and everything would be okay and it was no big deal. Which, surprisingly, that’s exactly how Amaw acted too. She took the challenge of breast cancer head on. She was so courageous and went through the diagnosis and treatments with no complaints and still put others first just as she always had. She still played with my brother and I, still read us stories, still took us out to eat. She kept living. She didn’t give up just because she had breast cancer. And that is why she came out in the end a survivor.

I think it’s so great how my Amaw took the news of her breast cancer and used it in such a positive way. When she started getting chemo therapy, she lost all her hair of course and had to start wearing either wigs or bandanas. Well, I guess Amaw didn’t have to do anything. There was one time when she was taking my brother and me to Toys R Us. She told us to go get in the car while she locked the door behind us. So we did and when she got in the car, she had no wig, no hat, nothing. She also had no shoes on! So of course I said, “Amaw, why don’t you have your hair on? And where are your shoes?” And she just said, “I already locked the door. Oh well.” and took us to Toys R Us anyways. I loved Amaw’s ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks’ attitude. She was, and still is, the largest influence on my life. I want to have her attitude, courage, strength and class.

I lost my Amaw a year after her diagnosis. She over came breast cancer but had to have another surgery and her body was too weak to handle it. I was eight years old. I was in a whole new world I had never been in before. But I knew I wasn’t alone. Everyone loved her and everyone missed her. I didn’t understand how or why, I just knew she was gone. I remember the night after she died. Some of the family was all sitting around Amaw’s living room, mostly in silence, except for the few times someone broke the silence with a funny story that made the room break into crying and laughter at the same time. I also vividly remember her funeral service. There were times when we cried, and times when we laughed. I remember after the service was over I just stood in the middle of the walkway, not knowing where to go, who to talk to, just crying because I was lost and didn’t know this world without her. I couldn’t dare go look in the casket. That’s when my dad came and spoke words that changed everything. He told me that everything would be okay. That’s when I realized, I needed to have Amaw’s attitude to get through this.

That’s what I learned the most from Amaw and this life changing experience of losing a very close loved one for the first time. She always knew everything would be okay. I thought to myself, “This is my chance to be strong just like my Amaw.” I knew it was okay to cry and think about her sometimes, but I wouldn’t let one bad thing ruin my life. It sounds crazy that I learned something like this at eight years old but I did, and it did me justice. I learned how to get past hard times and keep going, which, in my opinion, is one of the most valuable lessons to learn. Just like Amaw didn’t let breast cancer ruin her life, I won’t let hard times ruin my spirit, no matter how sad or depressing they may be. I’ll never forget her story; she will stick with me for the rest of my life and one day I’ll tell her story to my children so that they will learn as much as I did. I love you Amaw.

…This was a life well lived and well loved.

A life that will be deeply missed.

The quotation that begins and ends this essay is on Hazel Browns tombstone in Gulfport, Mississippi.